For as long as I can remember, I have dealt with anxiety. As a child I didn’t know what to call it, but I certainly felt it.
It was almost always there in the pit of my stomach, in the tightening of my chest, and in my swirling thoughts.
My anxiety continued to grow, and it followed me into adolescence and adulthood. I felt like its victim, and I just wanted it out of my life.
I tried over and again to beat it away. But it always seemed that the harder I hit, the more stubborn my anxiety became. It was just always there, and I was terrified of it.
My anxiety felt like a personal deficiency, a defect that for some reason I had while others did not. It made me feel like a failure and a fraud.
My anxiety made me feel like I could never be a good enough parent or spouse. It made me constantly worry about my health.
It pummeled my self-esteem.
All I wanted was to feel calm and confident, but I just never seemed to get there.
When I finally got into therapy, I saw that I needed to use a different tactic than trying to beat my anxiety to death.
I needed to get to know my anxiety. I needed to understand what was beneath it, what triggered it, and what misguided function it was trying to serve in my life.
Thankfully, yoga was also there to help me with that.